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Ulog - here I am in Italy

Ulog - here I am in Italy

August 2018 · 5 min read

So.. A short update on where I am an where I've been lately.

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Sunset on the West Coast of Bornholm. My son and my mom

I haven't posted in a while now, partly because of being busy with guests and preparing for the move. We have spend all of summer (more or less, start of June to end of August) in Denmark. Realised that this is the first whole summer I've spend in my birth country for 10 years!
I've spend the last 10 years a bit everywhere, just with occasional home bases here and there.
And now I feel a bit root less.. The years of travelling have been very very giving and amazing and I never regret to have spend these years exploring the world outside that has shown and reflected so much inside as well.

"De fleste rejser ud, for at finde hjem"

.. says a Danish song title from the band Love Shop, litterally: "most people travel out, to find home" (can't find a eloquente way to translate it!).
Travelling have lead me closer to understanding what home is. The home in the heart
But something has been difficult too. Even though I thought that finding the home in the heart would mean that I always felt at home no matter where, I now feel root less.
I must admit that since I got a child I have needed much more stability in my life and people around me that i know on a much deeper level.
I have made so many friends around the world, but now, almost anywhere I happen to be, I feel alone, because the friends I've made are all somewhere else both in the world and in their lives. Physically and mentally, by moving all the time, I am always somewhere else myself, and I have come to a point where I need more stability outside to really find that root inside. I need deep stable connections with friends and family. And I actually need a real physical home.

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My son Willow with a friend of mine I have known for 16 years, but not seen much the last 10 of them! But the root of our friendship is really felt whenever we meet, and that is one of the important things I've learnt to appreciate

So as said, I chose to spend the summer in my mother's new house, to be close to family. It was in a different place from where I grew up though, so I still felt a bit lonely, since all my friends are somewhere else in Denmark. And I realised it was still a visit and I still need that place I can call my home.
I always tried to tell myself that these physical things are not important, but I've just had to admit to myself that I am not that far yet and I need a little help from the physical world ;)
I cannot say for sure that, when I get a home, everything will be good, but I have a strong feeling that it will help me find the peace that I need to rediscover myself in that environment. To collect my things and my world around me, because now I feel spread all over and just a sweep of wind in one place makes everything move around and away from the center and I don't know where I am anymore.
Travelling has made me see and understand myself more clear against many different backdrops and societies, people and situations, but now i need the peace and quiet to see myself against... silence!

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The big question is where and how to settle, because as hard as it can be to tear up the roots, pack the bags and leave the known for the unknown, as hard it apparently is to stop up and settle!
But as those of you who've followed my current journey knows, my partner is Italian and we are trying to find out a way to suit us both. We have both been travelling for years and both miss home, which is in two different places, so how to connect that?
We have lived for almost two years in the home valley of Roberto, where I couldn't really settle, knowing it was always temporary and I felt too much as the odd one out. So my hope is that we can try to settle in Denmark and then try to have a base in Italy too, so we can both feel home. But we have to start somewhere, so that is why I have now travelled to Italy to sit down with Roberto and find out how we can manage things.
He is working now though, so let's see when he finish work at the end of this week!

Untill then..!

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