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Limited mobility | Unlimited stories: How far do you go?

Limited mobility | Unlimited stories: How far do you go?

March 2018 · 7 min read · Scotland

One of the things I've had to figure out on my road to 'becoming a person of limited mobility': count the steps I can make on a certain day.

I've been building this up over the span of 2 years, roughly like this:

  • Phase 1: 10 minutes of painful walking with crutches, maybe once a week
  • Phase 2: The same walk, multiple times a week
  • Phase 3: Slowly getting rid of painkillers and build up steps, now supported by orthopedically adapted shoes
  • Phase 4: Experiencing exceptions where I can do a 'bigger walk' and feeling euphoric, but after that can't walk for the rest of the day and cry from pain next day, have to recover for a week on the couch
  • Phase 5: Knowing my limits a little better, thinking I can do about 4000 steps a day, and then realizing I can't do those 4000 steps every day without punishment, 2300 is the safer bet
  • Phase 6: Averaging out my steps. 6000-6500 is quite alright, but then take a few days of recovery after that 'spike', can't do 6000 steps two days in a row
  • Phase 7: Embracing the fact I need a walking stick from time to time
  • Phase 8: Doing a 10000 steps walk on your holiday and feeling proud even though I have to recover

A walk during PHASE 6

I was at phase 6 while on the road in Scotland, but had been pushing my limits too, so I was in a constant state of not being fully recovered while arriving at places I wanted and needed to walk.

We were advised by locals to visit Loch an Eilein - it was the favorite walk of a local artist who had lived in these surroundings most of her life, so we knew it had to be good. And since the surrounding Cairngorms National Park is HUGE it definitely felt great to be advised on a starting point for our explorations.

So with some picknick stuff in our backpack we went, parked, and started our walk: a 5,5 kilometers long hike around the gorgeous Loch.

P9107355_copyright_rosanne_dubbeld.jpg

[At the start of the walk you can visit a small visitor's centre with some local art like ceramics and photographs. The owner saw my camera and told me where I could find the famous red squirrels that are getting more rare in the rest of the world :-)]

First realisation

The first realization came after only 10 minutes: I was not having a good day. I was in pain from a few weeks of pushing my boundaries and not taking enough time (who wants to sit still on a couch recovering while on a holiday?). My feet were painful, and very stiff, I couldn't walk supple.

The first gate we encountered, I realised, was what was perceived as the 'actual start' of the walk around the Loch, and I was already in pain and in need of a sit-down. I sat on the bench close to the gate and tried to warm up the foot by turning it in circles. Feeling frustrated, because: now we're here we should do the walk, right? I didn't come all this way just to return to the car!

P9107392_copyright_rosanne_dubbeld.jpg

[I have always loved the different textures one can find in nature.]

How to do things only half?

I deliberated:

  • 6000 steps is around 4,5 kms, so the 5,5 kms were already above my average and I was not in an average state, since I was still recovering from other walks.
  • If the full walk is 5,5 kms, where do you cut it off? If you're doing half of the walk, you will also have to do a return, or you complete the round, in both cases you end up walking 5,5 kms. So doing 'only half' was no solution.
  • If we would do only half of that half, I would only see a quarter of the walk along the borders of the Loch, was that enough? Would we have seen what we had expected to see? What is a quarter walk anyway? But if we would do it this way, we would end up doing 'only' half of the amount of kilometers, which seemed like the best idea at this point.

With this in mind, we started our walk, knowing we would have to make a decision on this 'quarter point'.

After we walked the 'magical one-fourth' of the walk I was 'quite alright', I thought, and I knew I would be very disappointed if at this point I had to quit the walk and return to our car. We hadn't yet seen a lot of the lake yet, mostly trees, and we came to admire the gorgeous Loch, right?

P9107381_copyright_rosanne_dubbeld.jpg

[Gorgeous trees though]

So, after a bit of doubt, I decided to walk on.

This point was crucial: once I had continued it would make no real sense to return, so I already knew I would have to finish the whole route.

Can't stop now!

It went okay, up until two-thirds of the walk. The pain got worse, the benches were non-existent, the nice resting places took a little bit of walking on uneven ground, there were more uneven parts of the path overall, it started raining, and slippery undergrounds are hell for someone who needs all her focus to place her foot in such a way it doesn't hurt. Oh, and the idea you can't speed up to get to your car faster... Didn't help either.

At some point I felt like I would have to give up. I could already see the gate that would be very close to our car, I could already see the car... But I couldn't go any further. I sat on the trunk of a tree, cried from frustration and pain, all while the rain kept falling on our heads.

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These moments I feel confronted, and my feelings are complex:

  • I feel proud, I (almost) completed a walk that my personal statistics say I can't do!
  • I feel stupid for crying: I already knew beforehand I would push my boundaries, I chose this, right?
  • I feel guilty: my dear boyfriend waiting with me in the rain that he hates knowing he could reach the car within two minutes
  • Overwhelming pain and basically no rational thinking at all

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[This tree, representing two roads you can take during a walk. Onwards, or back. Left, or right.]

Looking back: am I happy I did the walk?

If you had asked me the day after? No. We were not home, we were staying in a B&B and I literally was not able to get to breakfast that day because I was not able to get off the stairs where breakfast was served. I was not even able to get to the toilet only 3 meters from the bed I stayed on all day. These days are awful and I have no solution for them, painkillers don't seem to be able to numb the pain even for a bit.

Asking me now, looking back at the the pictures: YES I'm happy I did the walk. I live to take pictures. So not doing hikes like these would not fill my life with the same excitement and visual stimulation I need and love.

This is just how it is. This is part of me, my traveling, and my photography now. It's not something I am happy about, but it's not something I feel constantly sad about either. It just is.

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P9107384_copyright_rosanne_dubbeld.jpg

[Full speed ahead!]


MY INTRODUCTION POST IN LIMITED MOBILITY | UNLIMITED STORIES:


The Great Outdoors Photo Contest | 5sbd on the line!
This post is a very loose interpretation of a contest organised by the lovely and talented Lily Raabe. Please go check out her original contest post and create your own! Check out the Steemit Worldmap link in the comments to know where you can start your version of this walk: it's worth it :-)


All photography on steemit.com/@soyrosa is created and edited by me, Rosanne Dubbeld, 2005-2018. Contact me if you want to discuss licensing or collaborations on creative projects :-)

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