TRAVELMAN BRUGES, BELGIUM: Travelman, the Uninformed Tour Guide Who Just Makes Sh*t Up Instead

I spent two nights in Bruges. I stayed at St. Christopher’s Hostel. The one in Bruges is much better than the St. Christopher’s in Paris, it’s smaller with more charm. Their breakfast was great for only 4,50 €. Or if you reserved a bed through their website, like I did, breakfast was included. They gave me an extra one because I got there at seven in the morning.

It rained off and on while I was there. The sun came out when I was walking to the train station to leave. Darn.

Even with grey skies it was a charming little city though...

These first few pics are in the main square.

They had great, really great, beer in Bruges! You can find a post on my page about a place I went and had great beer while in town. https://steemit.com/travel/@travelman/travelman-bruge-the-b-in-belgium-i-d-for-beer-i-don-t-know-what-the-other-six-letters-are-for

That banner is about the Procession of the Holy Blood. There is a church in town built around a holy relic, supposedly the blood of Jesus. The keepers of the blood put on a big parade once a year, everyone gets dressed up in fancy religious costumes, it’s a big deal. I showed up in town three days after they did it. Damn! The grandstands were still up in the square.

I don’t remember what a lot of these buildings are. (If I don’t remember or never found out what places were, I don’t look them up for these posts. Google it. There are plenty of great travel info sites out there. I’m more interested in the experience I had).

I think this one was where they kept the magic Jesus blood...

This is a statue honoring the first guy who thought of putting all kinds of goodies on top of Belgium waffles. I make stuff up, so don’t quote me...

Like, seriously don’t quote me- because everyone misquotes me!

Oh, I still remember when I was at a neighbor kid’s house when I was eight and he asked if I wanted a popsicle.

Popsicle? “Yeah, sure.”

So the neighbor kid goes and tells his mom, Mrs. Papadopalous, “(Travelman) says he wants a popsicle! Can we have some popsicles?”

....!!!

I was mortified! Simply, mortified at the misrepresentation of my manners. That was NOT what I said. And thus, began a life of being misrepresented.

I accepted the OFFER of a popsicle. There is a big difference, thank you very much!

The record needs to be set straight!

“Yeah, sure.” -Those were my exact words, Mrs. Papadopalous. Your son was a conniving little liar! (and to people who caught the reference- yes, I hung out with Webster.)

moving on...

There was a race the day I came into town. Winner gets to touch the Magic Jesus blood....

Belgium and Germany, as far as I’ve experienced so far are pro bicycle. They have bike lanes everywhere and even have bicycle parking garages. Sooooo many people ride their bike! So much better for the vibe of the city than driving everywhere. America? I’m talking to you.

Canals ran through town. You could take a boat ride with a tour guide. It was cold, so I didn’t.

This statue was on a bridge over one of the canals...

This guy... What a guido....

This statue looks like it was taken from a Guillermo Del Torro movie. Creepy...

Then I came across this whale of a statue! (All that puns do is lower your funny quotient. Kids... Don’t use them. Don’t do what I do, do what I say!)

I think it was made of discarded plastic objects (I don’t know if they were things found in the ocean)...

Looks kind of like the surface of a space freighter in a Star Wars movie...

That statue is not of the sculptor of the whale. ...At least, I don’t think so.

Here’s those Belgium waffles that guy invented... I think he also founded IHOP. First it was the Belgium House of Pancakes and Waffles, but he was so successful that he franchised and went international, so they had to change the name. IHOP read better than IHOPW, so they dropped the waffle part and, well the rest is history...

And of course, chocolate!

Take a good look at what this shop has to offer... Go ahead, take a real good look...

See it? How about now? ...

This is a model of what my heart was made of before my ex girlfriend took that hammer to it, then fed it to dogs that vomited it up, the dogs died and flies feasted on the remains of the chocolate and dogs while she watched.

...

...What? That’s what it felt like. I’m just sayin’.

Don’t worry, I’m better now. All for the best.

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