After being recommended ‘Jameos Del Aqua’ by our very own @meesterboom I thought we had better go check it out.

The northern section of Lanzarote yields little in the way of tourist attractions unless you seek out your own. Caves seem to be the thing and after passing some others named ‘the ‘Green Caves’ we descended on our target.

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Now I wanted to be a smart-arse and tell you what Jameos Del Aqua’ translates too in English but both BabelFish and Google Translate tell me the English for this is also Jameos Del Aqua’.

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I think they are both telling lies so I will stick my neck out as a Spanish speaker of poor repute and say to you, ‘Cavern of Aquamarine’.

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Someone correct me if that's lies, please?

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It was a particularly crappy day, cloudy and threatening to rain as we pulled into the not very full car park.

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The first thing we noticed was the toilets and people heading down to the sea. Is that the extent of what they offer here, squat by the edge of the waves?

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It wasn't so, they do have some 'proper ones' with very descriptive icons to boot.

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...'is that a little rust on his bellend?'...

After losing 10EU each for the admittance fee we started walking down a steep slope with an empty restaurant to the left, and what looked like a gaping pit to the right.

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My images are time-stamped at around 11 am, so it was likely a little early for the restaurant to open, but it would have made for some serene dining.

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Reaching the bottom I saw the main event, it’s a pool of water. Actually more like a huge natural cave complete with twinkly ambient music playing along.

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So no caves, more ‘cavern

It is decent sized, seemingly completely devoid of any kind of aquatic life and deep. I looked into the water and figured I would be out of my depth in parts of that.

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What struck me was the clarity of the water. It is crystal, green and with no ripples. The photographs don't do justice to what I could see.

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Tourists were less than numerous, and during the summer I feel this would be a lovely respite from the heat. As it was, I felt a little chilly when under this natural cavern.

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So that's it? One cavern you can walk through in 2 minutes. We climbed up the far side to see this 'scene' from the Caribbean.

Except, it is not very genuine. Granted the tree bending at just the right angle is fitting, but you can forget the white sand, more like white concrete.

There’s no taking a dip in this ‘paradise’ either, it’s strictly for viewing.

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I wanted the perfect shot from a couple of angles, but there was always some bastard mooching around and getting in the way. After taking around TWENTY I settled for the TWO you can see.

I have to question the purpose of the fake tropical paradise. Is it to alleviate the fact that the main attraction is so short and terse?

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The auditorium was closed for repairs. There was a big fake wall stopping people getting in but I noticed some vandal had taken a knife and made a huge vertical slit.

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I being the nosey type had to go and have a look. The inside was full of building materials.

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OK so not interesting, I gave up on the trespassing idea quite quickly.

Before leaving you are forced to go through the obligatory tourist shop. There was little of interest to me but these things got my attention.

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What is it about genitalia with ‘Jameos Del Aqua’? Those are some impressive protruding balls; I can’t say I have ever seen a pair poking out sideways.

So would I recommend ‘Jameos Del Aqua’?

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If you have screaming nippers then a huge NO! This is a quiet serene location that emits a sense of calmness on whoever looks upon it. I think kids would find it immensely boring.

Considering there’s little else to look at in this area, and if these kinds of attractions are your thing, then it’s a tentative yes.

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